Hi obj, thank you so much for your response.

I don't consciously feel angry towards my family at the moment, but know I have been let down by them in the past. They allowed abuse to continue at the hands of a grandparent for many years longer than necessary - they were misinformed and badly manipulated by him, and, after finding out about the abuse when I was four, were led to believe it would be less damaging for me if I continued to see him, and he 'promised he'd stop'. They were also quite invalidating of my experiences but again this was not their fault, as I strongly believe my mum was abused by him too during childhood.

I have felt rage and hate towards them over the years, but recently my mum has been wonderful - responsive, validating and caring. So my anger towards her is not as conscious to me as my immense love.

A problem may be that, they are the only people I really have in my life, and are my registered carers. They are going away to Egypt next week and so I will be left alone for a week. Maybe I'm angry about that, on some level?

I generally feel that my life is utterly pointless and empty. I believe that you have to put your own meaning into life, but feel unwilling to do this because I am so sure that I will fail, and don't feel I have the energy. I feel like, at heart I'm a weak and unpleasant person, even though on the surface I'm kind, warm, gentle and sociable. Sometimes I wonder if I have any insides or outsides at all.