I don't know about you Lavie but sometimes pooping out is what is best for me. It is a question of balance but I would encourage you not to assume every decision to bow out is not of equal benefit for you as opting in. I think there are times bowing out is just an avoidence technique but sometimes avoiding stimulation when we are already feeling some overload is valuable self care.

Perhaps there is a better option for you then a group meditation right now. Perhaps, given the strain you have been under, the sadness you feel needs some privacy and a break from stimulation.

One of the things meditation is teaching me about acceptance is to trust that what is, is enough. Even if I make a different decision to one that might seem obvious and viewed to be in my best interest, the decision I choose is the one I live with. The one that can be used to serve my best interests if I let it. If I don't judge myself in the process. Its what you do now that you have made the decision that matters more then anything you did, even if what you did can be classified a mistake. There really are no mistakes, just oppportunities to do things differently, learn and grow.

I hope you all have a comforting and restful night. Take good care of you.