|
Boy has this thread brought back some unpleasant memories. I think we’ve all had those moments. The best thing you can do is stay consistent. He’s looking for a reaction from you. The more you react the more you re-enforce his behavior. While it seems logical to keep lengthening his time out I found it more effective to stick with “when you are ready to behave you can come out of your room.” By continuing with the conversation (about Twix bar) you are giving him what he wants. It is your decision and it needs no explanation. Every time you up the ante by lengthening his time out, you let him know that he is getting under his skin.
A discussion when he’s calm to explain that his behavior and consequences are completely within his control. If he continues to act up once he comes back out a simple “you’re not ready yet” in a calm voice is his prompt to return to his room.
When my kids told me they hated me I replied: I love you. I swear to you if you change your behavior he will change his. He knows you love him. Why else would his worst weapon against you be “I hate you”. He’s trying to punish you.
When he’s having a meltdown find something to do that will calm yourself down and give him the impression that you don’t notice him in the slightest. Pick up a book (which you will not be able to read, but it looks like that has your attention) or wash the dishes. He NEEDS your reaction to fuel the meltdown. DO compliment him when he is behaving whether it is because he wants a treat or not. I hugged with “I really enjoy spending time with you” this will eventually be what he craves. Whether or not to greet him when he returns varies by child. With three of my kids I would say “welcome back, are you ready to behave now?” and they would say yes and that they are sorry. However that would set the youngest one off again.
I personally do not believe in paying for good behavior. In my opinion that just sets the stage for problems in the future. What if you cannot get him the toy or treat he wants? In a child’s logic, that gives him permission to misbehave. Good behavior was always expected.
Every single parent has had several of these moments. I truly feared what was going to happen with my youngest. He had such anger issues. It took years of hard work on all of our parts (me, hubby, siblings and most importantly himself) but he did learn not only to control his temper, but how to avoid triggers, and how to calm himself if a trigger was unavoidable. He will be 18 in a few weeks. He is on the honor roll and has already enlisted in the Marines as a military police officer.
Don’t give up! There is light at the end of the tunnel!
__________________
I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children.
|