((((onlymedid))))

You are not alone. Many times when others have come out I am lost as to what has been said or done, even outside of ts office. When someone comes out and I come back I get these terrible headaches and that is how I know I have been gone. Nothing can stop them and they cannot be medicated either.

I am learning that it is okay to allow them to come out with t for the first time really. I have for a long time tried to be the one out even though at times they are and I do not know it. T wants to hear them and listen so I know that it is not a problem but it is hard when I come back and am lost as to what has happened or what has been said.

I find myself getting upset and uncertain when it happens, afraid of what may or may not have been said and if I even know about it. I too have that spinning feeling at times and it scares me. Sometimes I feel like I am falling to one side or not sitting straight up which also tells me that someone has either been out or is very close.

It is very hard for me to dissociate in front of t and to come back is even harder. Wondering what he is thinking and sometimes wondering what is taking place while I am away. Often I find myself crying and wanting to hide, scared to know what just happened.

Just wanted you to know you are not alone and not the only one who feels scared. Thank you for asking and sharing. Sending gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps