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A flashlight with a drained battery doesn’t shine very bright. If you have daycare available USE it! You need time to decompress. A fully charged mom will react to those stressful situations much better. I would also suggest using it for the little one and spend some one on one time with your older child. His bad behavior may be because he’s a little needier than other children and he’ll have that attention whether it’s positive or negative.
Weather permitting, throw the baby in the stroller and take the kids for a walk. While you’re on the walk talk to HIM! Ask him questions. What an amazing opportunity to teach him and share with him. Find something relaxing that you can do together. I LOVE to color! Mommy will color with you for a half hour, then color on your own while I…. for a half hour. Then make a big deal over the pictures that he’s colored on his own. Read to them. There were many books that I found myself enjoying right along with them. Have the older one read simpler books to you and the baby. Show him a love of reading. Take him to the library and get his own library card. Find a series of books that he enjoys and while he’s reading you get your “me” time. At that age my kids loved the Magic Tree House books and there are dozens of them. Keep his interest by asking him about the stories and showing that you’re interested in his opinions. By going giving him attention after he’s done things on his own he doesn’t feel he’s missing out on your attention while you’re doing what you want.
The key is ENGAGE him. When you go shopping, clip a coupon and have him find it in the store. Thank him profusely for his help. “What kind of Mac and Cheese do we like?” Have him make out the grocery list or read it to you. Make your older child feel as if he is helping you. “You’re so clever, help me teach the baby….” “Help mommy do the dishes and we’ll….” You will have to rewash the dishes until he learns the right way to do them but you’re teaching him life skills AND spending time together.
Once he becomes more secure in his relationship with you he probably won’t need to fill the silence with chatter. (I say probably because I was a Chatter box myself.)
When he’s had a particularly bad day, make sure to include some positive one on one mom time like reading a bedtime story. That way he knows that no matter what there will be some positive attention. Some days it can feel as though the only thing you’re doing is punishing him. It feels that way to him too.
While it is much faster and easier to do things yourself, you miss valuable opportunities by doing them on your own. You would not believe the stuff I’ve learned about my children over the dish water or sorting socks (no one in this house likes to sort socks so we have a sock sorting party to this day). These mundane chores have to be done anyway, spin them into a positive experience. Take the opportunity to slip in a little message “when you scream it does not change anything and you only upset yourself more; isn’t this much better?”
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I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children.
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