Here there is a tendency for people to say "If you are strict with a kid he won't want to be your friend". I have had to tell my son on numerous occassions that I am not his friend, I am his mother. That means that if I have to make a choice between soemthing that is important to his welfare and something that will get him mad at me, I will choose his welfare, no argument.

To me, saying "you won't come back until you do such and such..." is a last resort. If my kid is destroying himself or threatening minor siblings or parents. Or manipulating family members out of money and other things they cannot afford. If nothing else at all works, one sometimes has no other choice. sad to say.