thanks, wepow. i do want to disclose because i think it would bring about a sense of closure with A, but i also worry about making some huge social blunder with this. i'm pretty nonchalant when people disclose things to me, but i know a few of my friends would think that disclosures are grossly inappropriate and be more upset that i put them in that situation than about what i was actually saying. i'm not sure if that's how most people feel, and i certainly don't want to put A in a situation he's going to resent.