Hello to all,I dont really know where to begin so I suppose i'll start from the start.(apologies if this post was meant to go somewhere else).

Around a year ago a met a girl on a gaming forum of which where im a moderator at.this girl and i hit it off on the forum and like all good friends i have on the forum we added each other on MSN.as we got to know each other I unintentionally fell in love with her (im 24 btw).As i revealed my feelings to her..i found out that she had the same feeling for me too.unlike past relationships i had had IRL i felt myself of being in love for the 1st time.i worked in a jewellary store back then...and it was exrememly slow and boring..so i used to spend all of my day thinking about her and what we would talk about at night(i was more or less having a conversation with her in my mind during work).So bottomline i was thinking about her 24/7 from my waking moment,to when i went to sleep..to when i was dreaming of us meeting.

as the months went on..i found out that i couldnt stand being without her.i had made plans to visit her in a few years.but i missed her too much..and it was taking its toll on my health.i had sent her gifts and had asked her to marry me.We both decided that it would be better for the both of us to break it off,and be good friends.(we dont speak to each other at all nowadays except on the forum every now and then)

the problem was that since work was so extremely boring...i couldnt do anything else but think of her.which i believe led me to have a depression.there were times of which i didnt want her to be on my mind all the time bcz i wanted to move on with my life.there were times when i would scream inside my head..and i genuinely felt that i was going crazy.i realized that the 11 hours a day job i was working wasnt going to help me get over her so i left it(i needed to keep mysel;f busy to get over her).i just couldnt stand doing the same thing over and over again...going at 8:30 in the morning..sitting on my *** til 7:30 and having nothing to do all day long(yes,i know this sounds like heaven to some of you =p).i couldnt get her off of my mind no matter what i did.i watched tv,played games,went out with friends,tried to read books..but it didnt help.i couldnt shake it off.

as i went through the painful depression,i eventually stopped thinking about her and beat the depression.but instead it was replaced with this "continuous sense of self".it feels as if im watching myself do things..as if im not completely in control.(its a bit difficult to explain).it feels as if my thinking isnt automatic.when i laugh with friends..i cant completely get into it..bcz i still realize that im laughing,but i still think about it.when i watch tv..i cant get into it bcz my conscience wont let me.its ruining my life.

i dont have a depresion anymore..and i dont have self-esteem issues as i still have goals and ambitions and i enjoy doing many things with others.

since i cant stop thinking about my situation it leads me to be nervous sometimes as if im waiting for soemthing..but i dont really know what.

there have been a few instances where ive played a game for around 15 minutes..and then done normal activities w/o thinking about my situation.but then i come to myself again.

this is very frustrating to me as i want to move on with my life.ive always been a stable person and i still give out good advice to my friends and others.but im at a loss as to what my condition is.if it was a normal part of my thinking..then i wouldnt be bothered by it so much.i used to watch movies which had alot of gore and death in them w/o any problems b4.but now..those scenes(as well as death) seem to disturb me alot more than they used to.

ive tried approaching this thing from a whole lot of angles,but i just cant seem to shake iti tell myself that its a stupid thing to worry over and think about..but it continues to worry me even if i had been laughing all day long.

i would deeply appreciate it if anyone could help me.i know this isnt a normal part of thinking about daily things..as it upsets me.

thank you all for reading and i look forward to the advice you may give in helping me get through this.

i look at pictures and videos of myself from around a year ago...and i wasnt this way at all.i was full of happiness.i dont want to be like this..as it may lead me back into a depression if i give in to it.

ill be happy to answer any questions you may have.