so glad u posted. i'm sure you know the term "surrendering". unless we admit that we are POWERLESS when we drink and SURRENDER to that fact we will continue to fail. your drinking history already has proven you are powerless to alcohol. i was so down and desperate that i finally got it. you don't have to go down as far as i did.
to succed and gain sobriety we need "to go to any lengths to achieve sobriety". it's good you are following your sponsors direction. however listening is part of the key. networking and asking for help also helps. get to know other ppl in your group. i'd add one more thing...raise your hand and talk about how difficult this process has been for you, your inability to admit powerlessness. ask the group to talk about this.
to qualify myself i have 21 years sober. i couldn't do it alone. it's a "we program". you can pm me anytime if you want to chat. i hope i can give you more suggestions about your struggle and perhaps solutions. right now you want to drink more than you want to be sober.