I have been through years of different anti-depressant medications, none of which ever made any difference. I am on something currently completlely different that is actually working to make me feel normal. I was actually misdiagnosed. The depression was a part of a bigger problem. I self-medicated for a short while with marijuana. It had an interesting effect on me, however, and allowed me to function and be productive. People would comment on how well I was doing that day, and had no idea I was stoned. It just took away darkness and fright and allowed me to live me life. I certainly understand why people do it, but it only complicates the issue. Especially when you are trying to take anti-depressants which simply don't work correctly when mixed with alcohol. In fact, mixing them can be extremely dangerous. I don't condone self-medication by any means. I empathize with what you are going through and hope you find something that works.