Twilight

What an incredible post. I have wondered a LOT where He was when I needed Him the most. I still don't have answers, and I'm one of those "Jesus people" everybody thinks walks around with their head in the heavenlies. I feel your pain. . .I ask the same questions over and over. . .even now.

An answer to the last question in your first "paragraph" if I could be so bold though. . .
"Why won't You give me courage now?"
"For You have not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love, and of a sound mind" 2Tim 1:7

I think you are showing tremendous courage now, and for the first time in your life, you probably have some POWER over what is happening to you. As far as love goes. . .only YOU can decide about love, whether you give it, or whether you receive love given to you. The sound mind part. . .girl, we all still searching for that one.