Feeling a bit nervous about group T tonight....The last couple weeks have been a bit rough in group for me.

Last week, I was somewhat chastized for interrupting a conversation between two people, which is ok, I guess. I acknowledged it, owned it and learned the reason for it. I feel a bit embarrassed by it, but that's ok too.

But my real issue is that a couple weeks ago, I shut down in group because I was triggered by something someone said about crossing boundaries and T was blocking the door with his seat, and I was having a hard time with feeling trapped. When I finally spoke about it, I asked T to move away from the door (after he suggested that I do that), and it was ok.

I posted more about it on the blog, explaining that when I walk into a room, I try not to sit with my back to a door or window and don't like people blocking doors. I didn't want to draw attention to it during the session because we had 2 newbies, and I didn't want to take away from that.

Well, last week, one group member started off the session by bringing up the door issue. He related a story about how his son got sick after eating a certain food and now every time his wife sees that food, she gets sick to her stomach...and acted like it was just one of those things. No big deal.

At the time, I felt as though he was just trying to help me feel less embarrassed....but subconsciously, I believe I felt minimized...and let the issue go. T was in front of the door again, and I didn't ask him to move this time. I just ignored it, trying to know that I was not in danger.

Well, the other group T raised the door issue in this past week's blog, and I haven't addressed it. I'm angry that he raised it again - he said that he feels as though it's unfinished.

After much thought, it is unfinished. I don't usually talk about trauma in group...and because of that one group member's comment, and the fact that no one else contributed, and that the topic shifted to something else so quickly, that it was not important enough for anyone to stay with it long enough for me. So, yes, I felt minimized.

I'm not sure how to address it tonight. Maybe just expressing how I have a very difficult time talking about certain things...and that I need people to be interested and to help me talk and work through it....and I don't feel that I have that right now in this group.

But then, I'd feel as though I'm trying to make it all about me. YUCK. I don't know. I'd rather just work through it during individual T....but I know that T would want me to try to work through some things in group....Feeling torn right now.

UGH.