Seems I am always reassessing past relationships with significant "others" that have come and gone in my life...

I try to understand why it is I pick men that are just like my Father. My Father as you know, was a very emotionally ill, malignantly narcissistic man. Yet he was successful and handsome and charming - As narcissists most generally are. This works for them because they are so good a "Hyding" who they truly are to anyone and everyone outside of their "comfort zones".

Having the sort of troubled past that I have had - I am always re-evaluating, reassessing, trying to find and understand all the "whys" of things. Sometimes I am successful, sometimes not.

But this is the biggie question that I am grappling with at the moment. Knowing everything I know about NPD and how destructive it is, for the life of me I can not draw any rational conclusions as to why I always end up in relationships the mimic the type of relationship I had with dear ol dad. Trust me, it's not intentional. Sometimes I don't even realize it on the onset and it's not until later when they have "unmasked" themselves that I see the true dynamic of the situation.

So why??? Why can't I break this pattern? Why am I such a dork magnet with men? Why do I attract these sick, twisted abusive types of people? After the last relationship, I have since decided that I am absolutely petrified to seek out another "partner" for fear that they are just another wolf in sheep's clothing....

It gives me a sickening feeling to think I have never been touched by hands that truly love me.

J