I know that you don't want to discuss it in real life... but on some level, even though it works for you, you do want to let people know that you have an ed, right? hence this post? I mean if you truly believed it was as healthy as it is it wouldn't be called an ed. Did you let your T know? Or did s/he suspect something? Talking to him/her about this doesn't necessarily mean you'll be forced to give up everything... I think that is a big part of not wanting to talk about it.. and then believing it's okay...

I don't mean to badger you by any means, I'm sorry if you got that impression... I just know it's VERY difficult to actually see anything wrong with this if it works. And I do think that as long as the benefits seem to outweigh the costs, it'll be more than difficult to change. If knowing an ed is unhealthy would be enough to stop, then I would have stopped years ago.

You said you want to be healthy... you can't be healthy while having an ed. Everything healthy you try to do sort of only makes up for all the damage or the things you don't do... sure you can eat healthy foods and limit yourself to water etc. but your body and mind need more than that on a continual basis.... the reasons why your body isn't doing too well w/ the butter and grease isn't b/c they're bad, I mean in big quantities they are, but someone can be perfectly healthy and eat butter... your body isn't used to this type of nutrient though and is therefore fighting it... it's like when you don't eat a lot and then try to eat some kind of meal and your stomach feels like it's going to explode...

It's interesting that you brought up the thing about being able to live cheap (in your 1st post), b/c that's exactly what I have used as a justification, almost a thing to be proud of... buuut again, if it comes down to it, I'd rather spend $ on food and be happy and not have to worry about weight, food, social situations all the time than have to deal with this, as much as I don't want to change. Maybe it's not a monetary loss but it's definitely a mental, emotional, social loss.... it's draining....

taking vitamins, nutrients, eating healthy foods when you are eating & drinking water are def. good ways to maintain your body as much as you can, but I wouldn't say they're sufficient by any means.... don't you feel tired? exhausted? drained? moody? like you always have to be in control and plan out everything? I really DO know what you're going through and how difficult it is to break this pattern, any pattern really, but I also know it's never too later, you just truly have to want it.. which I guess is a big part of the problem.