The most cathartic thing for me has been to cry it out at my T's office, usually starting off at anger towards him, then realizing it connects to how I was hurt by parents in the past. It felt so freakin' good to rant about them. I also recorded myself once...that was nice too, I had proof of how angry I was, and that I had very good reasons to be, what my parents and others did was ridiculously wrong.

Anger does eventually come out in other ways for me...sometimes I can get it out through wrestling...that's an awesome sport because it's just so exhausting. (it's all backyard stuff with a friend..donno if you'd be into that kinda thing, but it is fun!). Looking at angry artwork helps me as well.

ah, you said this:

"we get scared when we get mad at them and we dont get scared when we get mad at us."

This part may be triggering, but I'm not sure :/

wow ya know, I bet that's what happened in your past; you got angry at the things done to you by them, and then got puinished or more hurt by expressing that anger. Where else could you go with that anger but yourself? (((kasva)))) I hope you find a good outlet-the release of anger in healthy ways can feel so great. Turning it in on yourself makes the anger build, because as a kid, you never understood why someone would do those kinds of things to you...so I guess a kid would see it as that you deserved it for some reason, when really it was harmful and abusive actions of others.

I hate to see you turn that anger in on yourself;
Pegasus's idea of writing a letter really has helped me in the past too...anything that safely lets you be able to vent about it;

Take care,
-obj