I think it can be empowering if someone doesn't see us as a victim. It can help us change our own views and gain more self confidence and a more positive (realistic?) self image. It can be helpful to have someone see a positive quality in ourselves (that you are a survivor) rather than a negative (that you are a victim).

However, it can also be hurtful if someone doesn't recognize the pain we have been through and still feel. I think sometimes words such as "victim" can get in the way of the work we do in therapy and in our lives. Maybe it is not so important to use that word. Maybe a good focus is to address the pain you are in. How can your T help you work through that pain? Is it from trauma? Have you spoken about the most painful memories with her? Have you done EMDR or any other trauma therapies (if appropriate)?

I had a bit of the opposite problem in therapy. I would not use the word "abuse" to describe what I had been through. I would tell my T things, very difficult things from my past, and he would use the "abuse" word, and it would make me shut down. "Don't call it abuse," I would say. He wanted to know why not, and I said because it if was abuse, then that makes me a victim. I didn't see myself as a victim and I didn't want to and I felt if I accepted that I had been abused then that made me a victim. We went round and round on this, and T had to work hard to get me to see that I didn't have to be a victim just because I was abused so it was OK to admit I had experienced abuse. It's still a hard concept for me, and I can easily revert to my old thinking.

Anyway, I know that is not your situation, darkrunner, but the part that is similar is that T and I were getting really hung up on words. Rather than focusing on the word, can you focus on the feelings and behaviors you want to change, express, etc.? Don't get into arguments with your T about whether you are a victim or not. Address the feelings that accompany that (pain, fear, resentment, etc.) and how they are affecting your life.