Thanks, everyone....

It's nice to know that I am not so alone.

I'm not sure what I want. In evaluating it further...in group, I tend to take a safe position. I try to give valuable feedback, share when it comes to relatedness, etc....and I tend to steer clear of working on my own issues. I've learned a lot about myself and my relationships with others through this group, but it's not a place where I've worked through my "issues". It just feels so so so scary to me....

SO...when I do dip a toe into the waters, it seems that I find any reason to make it feel unsafe again....In this instance, it was almost unavoidable. I was triggered in the room, and unless I lied about it, I shared what was triggery for me.

I addressed it on the blog in more detail...trying to be open and honest (dipping toe in further)...and the only thing I got back was one person comparing it to his wife and then everyone moved onto another topic. That led me to feeling minimized and the topic not worthy of being addressed since no one seemed to have any feedback or interest. So, I go back to safety.

I now know that I could've brought the topic back up and asked for what I needed. Of course, I didn't realize this at the time.

Now it just feels yucky....It's like a child saying amongst a room full of family members "look at me, mommy! look at me, daddy!"...and the parents just ignoring the child...until the child screams, "LOOK AT ME!!!"....and then the parents stare at the child like, "OK, get on with it, hurry up so we can go back to what we want to do".....except, in this case, it seems like the other group T is saying, "LOOK AT HER!"...and I'm still feeling that yucky "OK, get on with it, hurry up so we can go back to what we want to do" feeling.

It just feels yucky....