Your husband sounds to me like a highly manipulative man. A charming manipulator. I think he may have charmed his t in the same way he has done with other women in his life. A narcicist who needs his ego rubbed.

I would not blame his t. He is responsible. His behaviour is ugly and pathetic.
As for you - try to gather your strength and look after yourself. Develop yourself with no relation to him. Have activities and interestd. It will be good for you. And i suspect he will come running. And stop reading his stuff. It only damages. Who cares
At this point - look after who matters - you. Hugs xxx