I very much dislike needing to call my T for help. I usually only do it when I simply can not break out of my anxiety on my own, and I feel that it's urgent. Usually, I will email and that helps by just getting the emotions out. In over a year and a half, I've probably only called T 5 times, and I always feel bad about bothering her when I do. I know I'm not really bothering her, and she never makes me feel like a burden and is always really supportive. She always tells me that she's glad I called and asked for help. Regardless, I always feel embarrassed and like I need to apologize for bothering her.

Today, I had to go to a meeting that was causing me quite a bit of anxiety. I knew I would be fine once I got to the meeting and started interacting on a professional level, but just getting out of the door and to my car was nearly impossible. I was completely frozen. I finally gave in, called T and left a message. She called me back within half an hour, talked me through the anxiety, talked me through leaving, and stayed on the phone with me until I was in my car and ready to back out of the garage. I'm not sure I would have gone without her support...and yet, I'm completely embarrassed that I needed it. I feel like I need to email and apologize...but I know she'll tell me I don't need to apologize and she won't accept it (we've been over that before).

I can't decide which is more frustrating right now...that I was overwhelmed by anxiety over just leaving for a meeting, or that I had to call T for support.

Sigh...

---Rhi