Part 1: I don't mean that you cry. I mean that when I'm with my T she's THERE so I don't feel the pain so badly. She's replacing what I missed, sort of. I can't access the grief when I'm with her--not fully, anyway. Just a little when, like yesterday, the child part held her hand and asked her to love her, etc. Feeling the big hurt is progress, T thinks.

Part 2: But I don't understand how to grieve for something when I don't know what it is. On my collage I put "love fills you up right." I found those words somewhere. I had to cut and paste. I emailed my T that I must not have been filled up right and I want her to fix it. But CAN she fix it? How do I grieve for something that hurts so bad but I don't know what it is? How can I grieve if what I missed was touch when I was in an incubator? I can grieve for my mother leaving me by dying but what about the things I don't know about? For everyone who ever left me? I mean friends who moved, or my boyfriend from college. No one ever abandoned me.