Gentle hugs to you MelMel15.

I wish that I could make those horrible feelings go away for you. Just wanted you to know that I've been there. I can relate to the intense emotions and avoiding school (at all costs) to avoid the misery. It is horrible

Have you talked with your family or doctors about the intense fear that follows school? School counselors can be helpful. They do have small group programs, with a short list of other people like you (struggling), to help gain a better understanding and acceptance of emotions. It can be helpful, especially with understanding how your brain works. For me, looking at my brain scientifically helps balance the emotions better.

Gentle hugs to you...