I only hope that when my Father dies that he goes quickly. He has always thought of himself as such a big and strong man - full of character and integrity. Of course nothing could be further from the truth - but in spite of who or what he is, or what he has done to hurt me, I do still love him and it would be very difficult for me to see him suffering helplessly. It scares me. In reality, I probably won't even be around when he dies. I'm not sure if I even want to go to the funeral. There are so many things I have not sorted out yet where he is concerned. I don't think one lifetime will be enough in which to do that in. But what ever I choose to do when that time comes, I can only hope that I will be at peace with that decsion and not suffer guilt for the rest of my life.

J