no reason to get out of bed except to feed the animals. no reason to stay up, except i saw a mockingbird drinking out of the birdbath, so i took some more cracked corn out for the doves and re-filled birdbath. nothing now. calls about my daughter wanting to go into labor. i ust want to be there with them and my granddaughters.

streets are totally quiet. no traffic at all. everyone is busy. i don't have enough $ to buy gas to go out to look at the house at the ranch. i'm feeling an extreme amount of self-pity. no food.

christmas totally alone really hurts.