yw myself.

See, my most severe dissociation is almost a deliberate response to too much pressure. First I cry. Then I look anywhere except at people. Then I start to rock. Then I may close my eyes or repeat a phrase over and over to myself ("Nothing. I am nothing" is one I remember from way back). In that state it is like I am floating and nothing outside can touch me. I can choose not to hear what is going on around me, and if I have my eyes closed I don't see it either. It's really really hard for anyone to get me back out of this, but the thing that usually reaches me is touch. After that I am pretty much a wreck for a while.

The other form of dissociation is a much milder one. Again it is triggered by emotions - anger in others turns me into alice, the crying child; emergencies - or the needs of others - into elsie, the coper. Not yet figured the others out; shula doesn't come out in public really, though maybe the dissociation I have described here is more alice regressing to baby. That old thing aobut if I hide my eyes nobody can see me, no-one can see me under the table. Know what I mean?

Hmmm I may print this out to take to the hospital next week. Certainly pass it on to my counsellor.

Caroline