I had called T last time asking to confirm our session day & time and she called back to do that & said she was looking forward to seeing me.

When I went to see her, I asked her why on earth would she?

One more time I don't remember the answer, I got very silent and I do remember she asked me several questions about it and I was speechless, just crying with no sound. She gave me space to get words out and I didn't have any, just tears.

Maybe that's grieving, for what I don't know, and if that's what it was, ot was one of the very rare times.
It just came, i didn't think about how to do it.