I hope someone can help you - that's obviously a very dangerous thing you are doing not to mention that it's likely got something to do with your diagnosis. Is the act of sex itself that you are looking to fulfill or the intimacy of being close to another human being?

Do you have a good therapist? And if so are they aware of this issue? I would think this is something that you really need to discuss with a professional and sooner rather than later.

mho....

Love and Peace,
J