I think you are very close to the answer with this.

I am coming to learn that from the earliest age I was taught to NOT think. to always defer to others. always. and everyone in the family deferred all decisions to dad. When you think like this, it's easy to become convinced that you don't know anything - that you are stupid and surely everyone else is smarter than you.

So when the charming N. comes your way and shows the slightest interest, you are attracted. The N. detects the signals you give off, recognizes a victim, and takes advantage of a ready-made rag-doll that he can use or set aside at will. A thing, not a person.

It's the "Over Value/Devalue" tactic that hurts me the most. They make you feel like they cant live without you, like you are vital to their existence. Once you start to feel really loved and valued, they callously toss you to the side, or fail to remember having ever needed you at all. As though you have imagined it. It keeps you off-balance and ready to leap at their next generously dropped litle crumb of kindness.

Any of this ring a bell with anyone?

VoN