haha, wow...cant do the homework she gave me, sounds crazy though because all it is, is writing down the things that are "life-giving" to me.
like, she thinks I don't treat myself well all the time, I need to write down the things that bring me joy. I think as I grew up I interpreted my parents words as, "you don't deserve anything good" "other people have it worse then you" i just CANT do the homework, i find it really strange to write about positive ways I can treat myself...I feel all guilty...for thinking I should have good things....

sheesh'... you'd think this would be easy.

side note: I'm going to call the counseling department on campus,
idk why but, i feel like in class, some times, I just drift off, I can't focus,
I get LOST, lost in empty space, like you would think I would be thinking about something but, I'm not...I just have so much stuff I could possibly worry about and think about, that I just think about nothing. I don't like it though because then I can't focus in class.

therapy, we talked a lot about trauma with my old therapist, (whom I still see, the one who gave me homework a week or two ago) and like, lately I've been struggling with what we have talked about all year, its like all of a sudden, you think healing is over but, its not. I just keep reminding myself that I am worth more then violation, for some reason I keep fighting myself, telling myself...to STOP thinking thoughts that "All I'll ever be good for is violation." but, its really hard...but, I can't see my old T to talk about it yet,... shes just too far i feel...and she charges and idk its cheap but, i'm a college student and feel i can't just go whenever to see her, i have to go when i'm really struggling because I don't want to just throw money away. blurrrrrrr the end.