I think I'm addicted sounds similar to me, but with my situation I can't get enough love - or sex. I lost my little brother, my older brother, my dad, and a son, all within six months of eachother. On top of all this, I was sexually abused while living in the orphanage, and even after I got out (made to do things I would never allow today). Still, here I am with all this baggage. My wife, an angel and seasoned psych nurse, keeps telling me that, I can just drop it and leave it behind, or carry it with me forever. She makes sense but, much like the alcaholic, with the passing of any woman who walks by, I am once again exposed to the same temptation as the alcaholic who, is constantly exposed to the open bottle of Jack Daniels. I want help! I want to be whole! She wants me to forget it, but I would rather learn to defeat it.

I have an addictive personality. I smoke, I drink (not much, just moderately), one a day perhaps. But more than any of these other things, I cannot seem to finish anything, I live in constant sexual fantasy, and no matter how much she has said she loves me, her actions (little or no sex, or affection) signal her affirmation of my many failures. She has decided to file for divorce, my ultimate failing. Still I believe there is at least some good left in me. Rather than fail again, I want to insure that, whether I ever marry again (which I don't think I should), I would like to think I can be a "REAL" husband, father, and a whole person. How do I go about that with NO money, and don't qualify for aid? I really don't want to die like this because it would mean that, my being here was for nothing, a waste of even God's time.