Sometimes it seems as if no one believes I am really trying. I am calling out for help and yet, I pushing them all away at the same time. I don't know why I am doing that and I really hate it. I want to get better and I don't want to push the ones I love away from me but I don't know how else to do this but by getting help. Though, I am not sure how I will do that.. I am a bit overly scarred and it really sucks. I don't know how it got this bad. I am pushing the one I love most far away from me. I don't mean to though ! I really don't. I just... I don't want to lose the one I love because of this. She is the one good thing in my life and I am ruining it.