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Remembering that the process is for all of me is helpful, not just the little ones. We have a work to do and go to work and need to have a certain sense of confidence and know how to behave. She learned to keep the family secrets well in the home of origin. She protected us from the scorn. She really doesn't like it when we tell but mostly she sees it is okay now. It is a form of denial for us or secret keeping but really she is very good at being an average person. How could we do without her? Causing her to feel accepted is a difficult one because it borders on performance to many of us. She likes to get her hair cut and dress nicely. These are some of things we let her do for us. I find this really hard to type since she could be typing this for herself.
So we ask questions and when we go to therapy she may be there for awhile asking her own questions or whatever but after awhile we recognize to get better we need to let her go into the background and let all of the ones that need help come forward. Then doing the deeper work going over the hard times is going to go more smoothly but it takes time to build trust with them, time, time, time. I just want to affirm that she is there, our inner defender and that she can interact with you and your counsellor and we will let ours do the same.
I am wondering what you or other people like to do for their older more confident ones.
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