Hi, I am also a newbie here. I came to this section because I wanted to understand SI. I don't injure myself but I do suffer from depression, so I think I can understand part of your pain.

I felt compelled to respond to your post because your situation has touched my heart. To know you are in such emotional pain - I wish I could do something to help you!

I have a friend who's mother has a strange effect on me - every time I am around her, I end up crying. She would hold me, stroke my hair, and say "it's ok, let it out". Then I would cry even harder. I never understood until I had been to counseling that the reason she always made me cry was that she was NUIRTURING me - a foreign concept to my inner child!! I had never had anyone do that before - I was always told to just stop crying, or I would be ignored and left alone when I cried. I wish I could - or someone could - do this for you until all your tears have fallen and the pain has been alleviated, even if only temporarily.

My heart breaks for you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Please keep posting - from what I have seen so far, these are really wonderful supportive people who will do their best to be here for you.

Take care.