I'm sorry i only havea few minutes.... I'm hoping to come back to this at a later date .... just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you.
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What i need to remember is that when i have felt the emotions, as bad and scary as it felt at the time, i got through it and didn't die.
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Heh! I was going to write that VERY same thing... but thought I'd better not in case it wouldn't be helpful for you. It is just what the T. I see says-- that if one feels a feeling they don't die.
but that frame of thinking can be hard to wrap ones head around-- at least it can be for some of us.
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In 10 years, i've only asked to hug her twice, and have never asked her to hug me. She has held my hand once and patted my back once. So would you say that i am still overly dependent and want her to rescue me -- if i have those desires but continue to try to struggle with helping myself instead of asking her for help? Just curious about that.
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Well, I'm not sure -- but it seems from what I'm learning that it's not so much the "acting" on the dependance-- as it is the issue of it keeping one "stuck" in place.
does that make sense?
like I may not ever ask someone to tie my shoe for me-- but if I don't do it for myself then I will be stuck NOT being able to tie my own shoe- even though I didn't have a "parental" figure do it for me-- I still had hopes that they would and so that kept me from doing it on my own.... (I had issues as a child with the inability to tie shoes
) can you see how that could keep someone stuck and dependant?
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How do i change that? It feels inauthentic to me. Sometimes, my t asks me how i feel about that hurt child part of me that holds so much pain. I want to say that i feel bad for her and want to comfort her, but i don't feel much of anything. Why not??? How do i start feeling love and caring for her????
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I've had to take some time to think about this. It's hard for me to understand as I was ALL i had as a child-- I had to be the protector, the comforter, the parent and everything else, to keep me alive.... to survive. I had to get food when I thought my body needed it, I had to hug myself with a blanket when I was terrified and most of all I kept away as much as I could from humans, as they were bad news.
I was wondering if volunteering at a homeless shelter would help to put you in the "child" frame of mind-- how they are just passengers in the lives of adults, how they haven't many choices... I think it could perhaps get you back in touch with the child parts of you.(everyone has them, just most adults forget what it REALLY feels like to be one) I volunteered for a few years at a shelter and let me say-- Wow--- I understood so much more about myself-- they all thought I was helping them-- but really --THEY helped me!!
anyway-- I really have to go now. I hope that you find some inner peace with this. I hope I've helped you some.
it is truly hard work, I so understand
fins