Someone on another website I regularly go to, not psych-related, says she was once a therapist and is now a teacher. She also states that as a therapist, "I always hated having borderlines come in because they're so manipulative...." She said more, but all I could think was, thank God she's not a therapist anymore. It even frightens me that she's a teacher. I wonder how many minds she has messed up even further than they already were.

But her words reminded me, I had a past p-doc make the same accusation. I was only saying what I honestly felt, but she responded in a disgusted tone of voice, "Oh, that's so gamey." I was inpatient and she was the one assigned to me, but she released me before I was ready. I knew I wasn't ready, and I told her so, but she accused me of playing games and didn't listen to me. I ended up going right from there to another facility where I was inpatient another week. When I was released the second time, I knew I was ready, and I was OK with it. I realize now that the p-doc at the first facility probably thought since I happened to be homeless then, I was trying to use the hospital as a shelter. The truth is, when the second facility released me a week later, my apartment still wasn't ready, and I still went back to the mission, but I was fine with doing that because I was now out of crisis. I was not playing games, and I was not trying to use hospitalization to keep me off the street. But because I was (I now know) borderline, I was accused of this?

I have a good therapist and p-doc now, and neither of them have ever accused me of playing games or being manipulative. But now I'm wondering if they're secretly thinking that. Maybe they're like that ex-therapist on the other site, and they're sitting there thinking, I hate this client because she's borderline. I now have a fear of going back to them, and a fear of trusting.

There is even a problem with my own husband. If I'm upset about something, he automatically assumes it's a symptom of illness. It couldn't possibly be that I have a genuine reason to be upset.

Am I never going to be taken seriously again? Yes, I know, that's a borderline thing to say, but....