I mean, I wish I could go back to before I graduated highschool- back to when I actually thought I could accomplish anything. I had been told that forever and for a day growing up. Now it's sad because the things I want most, I can't have, and the things I can do with my life I don't care for. It's like the world has a box they force you to fit into and if you want to step out of the box , you also have to fit inside another character/personality box to do so, if not, you might as well crawl under a rock and bleed to death or numb the pain through drugs and alcohol cuz you're not going to get anywhere. I want to be an artist, a poet, maybe even a rock singer, that's not going to happen. I want to do a lot of things that I don't let myself do because of the repercussions from others and how they'll look at me different, family or otherwise. How sad and pathetic is that? I limit myself too much, trying to please others, and all it gets me is psychologically induced real health problems. Yea! I'm glad it's raining out, I hope it effin' storms so bad effing trees fall down on cars and it floods and the bridge closes down and the power goes out because I don't really effing care right now! Damn it! It's only a matter of time my life that I know it falls apart again. God this sounds horrible and whiny. Just ignore this, I'm in one of my moods. . . .