[color=red]i looked up depersonalization and i could say that was a bit what i was feeling like at the beginning.i felt like my thoughts werent really my own and that i was thinking about ALOT of things at the same time..i guess sort of like people which have racey thoughts when they have panic attacks.

for about three months i felt like i was a zombie moving through life.then a few days after i left my job i felt like i had finally awakened and i was reliving alot of experiences for the 1st time although i had done them hundreds of times before.

it never got to the point where i couldnt differemtiate realityu from fantasy though..although i did feel like i was going insane at times.

i just pray that i can one day get rid (hopefully soon =p)of all of these thoughts and feelings and finally get back to living my life without so much worry and anxiety of wondering how im going to get through the day.

my family has been supportive of me during this testing period in my life but i know there will come a time when they will just say "get over it already".the problem is that i cant just get rid of it that easily as its embedded in my psychy i suppose.

this is what a brainwashed person must feel like O_o