I've done it. I wrote my sister (not my psych one, or my little sis - the other one, i have hundreds!) a letter trying to explain everything to her and told her about the cutting etc. It took so much courage to give her it, and then i ran away again. I couldnt bear to be thee same room when she read it. She came and gave me a hug and tried to ask me questions but stupidly i clammed up again - i'm no good at talking! I showed her the cuts and she started crying as well, which i felt bad about. I don't know how i feel now as she has no idea what to do about this either - i didn't tell her anything about thinking i was depressed - that would have been to embarrassing! She sat on my bed and she talked about her experiences and how she's felt at times. It was nice to hear someone else who has felt down but i was also annoyed (that's not the right word!) that i couldn't convey my feelings to her at all and to explain how i felt. I gave her one page of my diary to read but i can't open up that much at the start. She asked me if i would come n see her again if i ever felt so down that i wanted to hurt myself but i honestly can't say i will. She is just as lost as i am with all of this. I'm relieved to have told someone but i still feel i've contained half of what i feel. She said she didn't understand why i felt like this and as i don't as well, it was pretty much left at that. I know she has done all she can to support me and i thank her for that but i still feel trapped and confused. It's stupid but even as she was talking i was thinking about hurting myself again to get away the embarassment i was feeling - i'm going to have to really force myself not to. I don't know how she is feeling about all this, i don't know how i feel - i don't know if i've actually done any good - made a step towards helping myself get out of this mess but i just feel as if i've added to her all my problems and she doesn't really need that right now she's got enough of her own. I don't know, i have to mull this over..... i'm glad i've done it but also feel wierd.