Hi Daisy:
I empathize with you. So sorry you are feeling so down. I have had these feelings before myself. And I'm sure many others have them from time to time. It's that age old question, "what is the meaning of life?" And when things aren't going well, and you're unhappy, that's a really hard question to answer. In my opinion, it has no meaning except that which we each give it. It sounds like you have some things you'd like to do that would give meaning to your life, except you're concerned those things won't be accepted by others. Well, I'll tell ya - a few years ago I said to H*** with what people think! But there's one person that should always be kind to you no matter what you do. That person is you. So if you think people are going to beat you up about your decisions, don't join the party and beat up on yourself too. Is worry about what they will think worth the depression? Is it worth more than your life? No. And truthfully in this state of mind you can become so depressed that you don't want to live. Now is there anyone who's thoughts and opinions matter more than your life? Well, the answer to that is h*** no!! So don't join the party of those you think would beat you down and beat yourself down. Do the things that will make you happy. In the end it's you who has to deal with the pain if you don't. I wish you peace and wellness.