I didn't make it to the river thus the walk around the garden instead.

We have been at it now for 17 or 18 days. This is often the point of time when I commit to something that I start to waver. The meditation is no exception. I find it more and more difficult to formally sit and follow any particular process. Not unlike how I tire of spiritual rituals. I get bored easily and things start to feel like work after a while.

At the same time I am benefiting from maintaining a more meditative mindset throughout the days and resting in its calming effects when anxiety gets the better of me.

I was spending some time with the zen picture last night but it seemed to stimulate me rather then relax me as I had expected. It was a fun journey but what I really needed was to untie the stress in my body. After a while I closed my eyes and focused on my breath long enough to feel the ache in my chest, lump in my throat, the pressure on my head go away. It took a long time but I staying there until every part of my body was relaxed. It helped to focus on relaxing my muscles from head to toe. I don't even realize I am clenching my teeth or just how tightly I am holding my shoulders, or how tense my stomache is etc etc until I start to focus on each of those areas and let the tension go.

I discovered a way to deal with disruptive thoughts. I imagined myself walking down a lane. Every now and then someone came out a door to say something to me. Instead of engaging them I said, 'sorry, can't stop now, catch up with you another time.' The people coming out the doors represented thoughts popping into my head trying to get my attention. By acknowledging them without being stopped by them and doing this with the aid of a graphic seemed to make it easier to stay focused on the path.