First of all, Thank You everyone for joining in, this has become a pretty interesting conversation! and helpful ofcourse

@Dragonfly: I agree with you that sometimes people are curious and I am the same way, infact I've hurt some people with my curiosity in the past because like i said before, i'm still learning whats personal and whats not.. and for the longest time, i treated questions like this pretty normal because I thought well! every human being has sex, every human being suffers pain, etc.. so why are people shy about talking about it but now I'm realizing that sometimes people are just uncomfortable or don't want to remember a hurtful experience.

I would like to add though that this wasn't just one question that made me doubt him. It was a factor of things such as :

1. He's not an american. In US, its a lot more open and i feel a lot more comfortable discussing the topic of "casual sex" with others, as in how it affects you mentally, etc.. but i might not be comfortable sharing if I do it or not, unless I feel like you're not trying to get more info about me, which in this case I felt the guy kept on asking me personal things but wouldn't tell any of his. Also, when I'd ignore the personal question and change topics, he'd say something must've happened to you to not share. (btw, all this is not just one interaction with him, its based on multiple interactions)

Non-american guys are very different when they think of a woman. They might respect you on your face and totally disrespect you behind your back. or they'll be nice to you on your face and treat you like a piece of meat in their heads and undress you while you sit there in their heads. Now i know someone might say all men do this, but i don't know how to explain it, its jsut different with non-american men. They "expect" different things. like some of them will think just coz you were nice to them, you have a thing for them... or because you discussed the topic of "casual sex", in general -not personal, then you're like a sex-crazed female.

Even when I told him no, i'm not married and he's like but the normal age here is late 20s you're married, and I said so? its okay. he's like but you're not american. BUT I AM THOUGH! My ethnicity is not american but i've spent most of my life in America and yes I might not completely be american and i'm also not completely non-american, I'm just MYSELF! I don't like being boxed, but yes I do have a lot of westernized/open views on many things (eventhough I'm not a fan of my dysfunctional family, some of my western views are because of my parents and how they're accepting of all cultures-and critical at times, but we'll just ignore that part ) and then some conservative views on others.

(about him) How can you say that when the friendship is so fresh? Even if something did happen to cause me to be guarded, you're sort of putting me on a spot by saying it out loud like this and making me uncomfortable from the getgo.

2. He kept referring to me as "sexy" in EVERY email/text. I didn't mind it at first, but then when it was EVERY single conversation piece, that made me uncomfortable. And maybe its just me, as in, I don't say "hey sexy" to every guy I meet. I also say it VERy rarely, if so, it'll probably be towards a guy I'm in a relationship with.. or maybe to a friend that Knows i'm not into him like that. I'm playful, but not in a sexual way, infact guys that get very sexual-flirty is quiet a turnoff for me.

3. He ended his convo's with "love, hugs, and kisses". IMO, thats really unnecessary. Maybe you and your wife have an agreement on flirting but I'm just getting to know you. It was just too gooey for a "married" friend of an opposite sex.

4. He'd constantly ask me "so did you find any hot girls for me?" I didn't like that. Why should i be finding hot girls for you, even if its a joke! and hello! you're married! I wouldn't want my bf/husband to go around asking other girls stuff like this, i'd be pissed!

5. Then came the day when he asked me about casual sex INDIRECTLY first... and I found it insulting because I'm in my late 20s. In this country (won't mention where i am) people are married by 27/28. Him re-iterating the fact that I'm not married, neither do i have a bf, really annoyed me, especially since I had already told him that I'm in my late 20s and I'm still restarting life. Why do you have to call me out on the fact that i'm not married or have a bf? what if i'm looking to get married? what if i'm looking for a bf, just haven't gotten the chance coz i moved around so much??? (wow, i'm seriously really annoyed with him after realizing all this!).

I even told him to find me guys, and i can say this coz i'm single! but he can't say it to me coz he's married. if he wants to play the field, he better be IN the field (single), not sit on the bench and try to shoot while holding his wife's hand. It was also me and him alone at dinner, so i felt uncomfortable.

Hmm, now that I think of it, I felt uncomfortable when I plainly just went for that dinner! I had eyes looking at me, like i was a hooker or something. again, its not the US. so its different. a girl alone with a guy.

But thanks anyway TheDragon, I understand you were just trying to show the "other" side of this situation but maybe after reading all this, you might be able to see what I'm trying to say, as it just wasn't a simple question, but various experiences with him over a span of 4 months or so..



@Sabby: Thankyou for all those lovely suggestions! I will use them in the future for sure!

About the guy, he never asked me for the permission to use it on me and just came out of nowhere. Also, he's kind of a rough guy like he's quiet big but then very arrogant, and I felt like he thought he could just say anything to a girl and she'll be all goo goo gaa gaa over him, but that kind of attitude actually gets on my nerves. I'm not unequal/piece of meat to you just because i'm a woman.

@Lynn: Thankyou once again! Yes, Iunderstand what you're saying. I think when I was replying to Sabby, I had two people in my head. One was a girl and one is the married man. I think for the girl, i'd be fine using humor but for this guy, definitely direct is better!

Lynn, we went out for dinner because he was visiting my town, and I thought it was a friendly dinner, it wasn't like a date. He had to pick me up because i dont have a car here yet. and cabs aren't safe for women here. so that was why he was my ride. Was it a bad idea to have dinner with him? i did carry mace with me.