i had extremely low esteem growing up. close to none at some points. and very few friendships. from 6th grade and until present ive had none. so i apologize that im not any good at it now. and tend to withdraw quite abit. especially when it seems like everyones got a good rhyme going. it feels too overwhelming for me. so i dont say nothing. and just watch and read. but i dont know if that seems rude to others. i dont mean it too. im not sure if i will ever figure out how to be a good friend. parts of it i have a hard time dealing with. im ok if its light and fun i think. but inside i have this desire for stronger friendships. but maybe strong friendships are not a realistic goal for me. i just can not imagine ever really having any real friends irl. i seriously dont think itll ever really happen. just something i keep hoping for. just figure that esteem plays into this all somehow. guess the point of this post is to apologize for today. i wasnt a very good friend at all on pc today.

(i hope this post doesnt come across as rude in any way. if it does i apologize)