@dragon

one thing i think you are not considering is that Distressed has a history of SA. this can alter things, namely her ability to set appropriate boundaries in specifically these sorts of situations. i don't have SA in my background but i do have other types of abuse and i also have a hard time setting and maintaining boundaries with men. to tell someone with those sorts of histories to be open and have a go-with-the-flow attitude with what Distressed described could unfortunately put her in a dangerous situation and men who are abusive or predatory do pick up on this vulnerability. as for her specific situation with this guy i also got a sense he is rather "predatory" as danvb said. can i know that with any absolute certainty? no, but i have enough experience to trust my gut in these situations even while taking into consideration cross-cultural issues. having been in countries where men walk down the street openly holding hands and they are totally heterosexual i think i'm a bit aware of those considerations.