My ex partner tore three stitches out me when we had sex after my son was born... I had three stitches in my clitoris, from a previous injury. I was spared the humiliation of being blamed for what he'd done, and I can't imagine how humiliating that was for you.

It's interesting what you say about your husband having a purely positive experience fo sex, and finding it hard to imagine any other attitude to it. We have to remember that to folks who haven't been injured the world is a better place. From what I've read (and I may be wrong) I don't think he means to abuse you. Couples therapy might help.

And I so wish your doctor had lectured your husband instead of you.