I guess I see what you mean, maybe I should explain the whole story. We have been married 12 years, rocky sometimes, but overall okay. Well last summer he had a women he works with come on to him on a business trip. He said he resisted, but that he did have confusing feeling, because he has grown close to her due to her illness that he helped support her.
Well he only admitted this to me after a couple of months of refusing sex and being distant. I tried everything I could to get him to come out of his shell.
Well one night he had a little too much to drink (he doesn't normally drink), well he confessed this about the other women. He said nothing happened and she got embarrested and quit her job. Things actually started to impove a little for a couple of weeks. Then he became distant again and he didn't want me sexually. Well one day I went to pick him up at work, and this women was there. He didn't tell me she came back.

So things have been declining since this Feb. I have tried writing letter, talking to him, everything I can to get him to open up to me. I want to know about what is going with this women. He won't talk about it. He refused to do any kind of counceling, individual, or marriage.
Through the help therapy, I have been doing things that I stopped doing since I was married, that brought me a lot of joy. I am exercising every day, practiceing yoga, playing the trumpet after 15 years of quiting, playing in 2 university bands, taking master gardening classes, and being more social. My life has changed, my T is very happy to see me being myself for the first time in years. Everything is going great, except my marriage.

I want my husband back, but I can't make him love me or care about me, if he doesn't . I can't make him do therapy. I don't know what to do. We haven't had sex in over 8 months. My T wants me to make some ultimatiums, either be my husband, or do therapy, or I will leave him. My T says I deserve to be loved. I agree, I have had enough.
But then you have the whole thing about divorse and my kids, etc. I feel like I am stuck in a hard place. I know we should separate, but yet my life will go downhill in a lot of ways.
I feel he has left me already, but is still staying married to me. Yes I know I derserve more than this. But it seems like the negative out weighs the positive in getting a divorse. There a lot of couples who stay together even in unhappy marriages, for a variety of reasons. I just wonder if I am able to do this, at least until my kids are older. Does this help? I really am not cold hearted. I love my DH very much, but it really hurts when they don't love you back, and if they are cheating on you.