Hi Distressed !

You asked about how to decide if a guy wants to be friends versus get into you pants...

The really, really short version of my answer is: Practice active listening, be mindful, and non-aggressively challenge anything that trips a red flag in your mind.
If you would like a more in-depth detailed explanation of what I just wrote, you can send me a private message. OK?

About the trip I made to the United Kingdom... Well.. Ok... Hmmmmm...
The answer is probably simpler that you might expect...

I am in love my wife and she is in love with me.

I'm afraid that's all there is to it!
Now, having said that, I should probably elucidate...

We are both completely secure in our marriage. I'm not sure if I know how to explain what that really means...
Ok... let's give this a try... but this is going to sound pretty goofy...

My wife is my better half and I hers... There is a connection between us that cannot be explained. I have always know in my heart that she would never, ever be unfaithful to our marriage... and she has always known the same thing about me. Infidelity is not possible in our marriage. It simply is not a part of the equation. We have BOTH had very real opportunities to cheat... Actually, there have been MANY chances for each of us to cheat. But it just doesn't occur to either of us that cheating is even a possibility. We don't WANT to. You see, it isn't a matter of trust. We don't have to "trust" each other. We just KNOW... It's a matter of knowing what is in each others hearts. There is no other way to say it. To us, the need to trust our fidelity also implies that we can also NOT trust in it as well... and that just isn't possible

Oftentimes people cheat because they feel that their emotional or physical needs are not being met at home, so they go looking elsewhere.

There is nothing lacking in our marriage, neither emotionally nor physically.

And... we like each other too... that helps.

Jealousy has never a part of our marriage.

So, when I let my wife know that I wanted to visit my friend in England, her only concern was to make sure that I'd not mucked up on anything that I needed for the trip. That's about it!

But then... my wife and I have an exceptional marriage. My wifes folks have the same kind of relationship that Julie and I do... and our daughter does as well...

In my way of thinking, jealousy is a symptom of uncertainty and insecurity... If I was going to work on jealousy, the first think I would do would be to look at the fear that creates it. Is your fear based on real experiences? Or is it based on the fear that your fears will be made real?

Those are two entirely different things...

Anyway, there it is... I hope I've answered you questions!

Take care,
Dan