am covered up even though it's hot. Hoping my partner doesn't notice. I cut for the first time in a ffew weeks. I went out and bought a swiss army knife - like one I stole off my brother when I was 15. But this one is sharper.
I feel numb and stupid. In fog.

I am trying not to cut again. It felt soothing, but ugly. I don't know what to do.

Just now my cat scratched a mole on my arm accidently and the blood was...beautiful. It is tempting. It didn't stop bleeding for a while and it was good. I'm trying not to dwell on it. But I want to go back. What are a few more scars? I have hundreds.

hate this, I am failing again.