I like how you write, you write very well and clearly. In fact, may I ask you if I could show my therapist your original post on this thread (without your name on it)? You've written it so well, in ways that I have never been able to express, the progression of my "issues".

Hm, maybe I will tell you my story.

I was 14 when i began to start having negative thoughts, they dissapeared 9th grade, during which I got on the honor roll several times, then, i began to feel an overwhelming sense of loneliness (which is just another way of saying emptiness) in 10th, and my grades started dropping. I was put on an ADD medication but went off of it. I stopped being able to concentrate, but really, i suspect that my processing speeds just werent very good and still aren't. By 11th grade, i had developed a sense of apathy towards my grades, and still struggled with a sense of alienation.

12th grade, I remember thinking to myself "this is pointless."

Finally, things progressed to the point where I thought about death as you have.

I'm still trying to work out my issues, but your story, as you can maybe see, is similar to mine with the exception of the cutting.