Pale, I think all of us have had to deal with the aftermath of mania. What you described is what I lived through for years, long before I had even heard of bipolar or manic depressive. My wife and I have worked hard to keep our marriage intact despite my unfaithfulness, my rages, my depression, my f-off attitude towards others, and my ambivalence towards our kids at times. I have hurt many relationships including those closest to me. So you are not alone in your feelings and you should be able to share those feelings here without any condemnation from anyone.

That said, have you considered having your parents go to a family therapist with you? If you have a therapist who really understands what you are going through they may be able to help your family understand why you are sometimes the "crazy" girl. It may be really hard for them to understand and accept but it is worth the effort. As for your friends, once you are able to accept that you have an illness and share that with them they will either accept it and still be your friend or they won't understand it and their ignorance and unwillingness to understand will cost them a good friendship. I have lost several friends over the years who just couldn't handle knowing the real me.

Once you are comfortable with your diagnosis... I said comfortable, not liking it ...and you can talk about it without a lot of fear that people will run away, then you will discover that the power your illness has over you will begin to diminish. Mental illness carries a stigma for a lot of people. But if you accept that you have an illness and then live your life that stigma can be turned into something that you can use to educate and help others.

I hope you can find the right help to work with you as you learn to deal with your illness. Know that this will always be a safe place you can come when you are manic and ranting or when you are in the depths of depression.