Welcome to the wonderful world of severe depression. (I suspect). If you are not seeing a psychiatrist (and you may not be in light of your avocation) please do so before you sink further. Also a therapist - don't try to be your own.

Good luck with it all. I can relate to much of what you have written.

If you are on meds, some of what you describe could potentially be a med side effect or a drug-drug interaction. You may be overmedicated. But those are doctor things.