i've been sober 8yrs..spent the first 2yrs in AA until I decided to listen to what my gut was saying and quit...perhaps AA isn't for you? Wanting what someone else has is the sort of thinking that AA loves...why not try going for what you want? Perhaps if you could find that out you'd be half way to not sabotaging with dRink? AA is ok for identifying the problem after that its for you to discover what you are all about..some need the drama of AA to replace the drama of alcohol, others just qUit the drama..good luck